[Strawberry milk is Gin's favorite. Get lots of calcium and your bones will be strong]
[The client is an old man on his last legs. He's literally "dead or alive."]
["Look, Overly Sticky Sweet Dumplings Are Not Real Dumplings, You Idiot!"]
What? So what if it's a little different?!
Don't you know the saying "Everyone's different, and everyone's great?"
It's not Number One, it's the Only One!
Quit complaining!
You're badly mistaken if you think you can get by in this world by blaming everyone else.
The world is full of demons!
Now listen up! This is what's important!
[Calcium]
Yes, calcium!
As long as you get plenty of calcium, everything will turn out fine.
Cramming for exams? Fights with your parents?
That girl you like? A smelly crotch?
Get your calcium and it'll all work out
No, it won't!
No matter how much calcium you drink, if you get hit by a car, your leg's still gonna break!
I got hit too, but I'm fine!
It's all because I drink this every day.
Don't act so high and mighty. You just like the taste of strawberry milk!
What?! I drink coffee milk too, you know!
800 calories every day, go easy on the salt,
pretty tasty for 300 yen per meal.
That's my hospital meal!
Just drink strawberry milk, strawberry milk.
Your breath! Sickly sweet!
What? Gin exhales his "sweet breath".
Argh! Shinpachi sustains 99 points of damage!
Keep the noise down!
You're bothering the other patients!
There's even one who's on the verge of death. Do you get me, you little creep?!
Oh, sorry. He's so noisy.
You're a really awful person!
It is time for Professor Jaijien to make his rounds.
Look, I'm a grown man, so just leave me alone.
You're making it hard for me to stay in the hospital.
No matter how old we get, we are all on a journey in search of our place in life.
Quit paraphrasing life like it's a folk song!
Father-yo! Mother-yo! Hey-hey-ho!
Looking-for-my-home, in-a-manhole.
A long journey, a tiring one.
And forget the rap music! Besides, what kind of lyrics are those?!
Man, too many artist wannabes.
I chalk it up to calcium deficiency.
Strawberry milk, huh?
I drank a lot of it when I was young.
With the gals in tow.
How dare you?!
Satsuki, now she was a good girl.
"So much strawberry milk isn't good for you.
Drink coffee milk once in a while," is what she'd say.
And Yukari... She was totally in-your-face. But she worried about me, too.
It's been a long time since I've seen a "Strawberry Milky" like you!
Strawberry Milky?
Right.
A man who puts his honor on the line
and keeps drinking strawberry milk is known to all as Strawberry Milky!
Nah, I'm just the Odd Jobs guy in this poor little town.
Odd Jobs?
And we'd better get going. We've got work to do.
Odd Jobs?
Man, we're so busy. After all, I do take odd jobs.
Odd Jobs!
This is bad! It's like the emergency bell went off inside him.
Hamada didn't flinch when he was called "Crater-face,"
but that autumn during our second year in middle school,
he went crazy and threw chairs around when someone called him "Pock."
Who's Hamada?
You just said Odd Jobs, didn't you?
That means you'll do any kind of odd job for anyone?
I can't bring you back from the edge of the grave!
For that, please make a donation of gold at the church.
Sometimes, they'll do it for free. But Great-grandma told me not to say...
No, sorry. By gold, I'm talking about a game and...
Oh man, talking about a game in my final moments... Aghhh!
Once again, Professor Jaijien will make his rounds.
I want you to find the owner of this hair ornament.
Why is that?
She was my first l-o-v-e.
Hey, what's with the pickled seaweed?
Whenever I hear a sad story, eating pickled seaweed calms my heart.
I've spent all my days chasing tail the whole time.
But for some reason, all I can remember now is her smile.
Gimme some pickled seaweed, too.
Both of you? Pathetic!
Laugh if you want.
An old man like me would yearn for love on his deathbed.
I'm not laughing...
She was so beautiful...
She always wore the kanzashi and worked hard every day.
She was the talk of the town.
Ayano!
Every man was in love with her.
And they all went to the shop where she worked and got fat eating dumplings.
I wanted to join them, but I had no money and besides, I was way too shy.
All I could do was lurk behind corners to catch a glimpse of her.
Then one day...
I see you've come to visit again.
Don't be shy! Come over here.
You're always watching from over there.
I see you every time.
Those were the first words Ayano uttered to me.
But right after that...
You must really like it.
Here you go.
You wanted these, didn't you?
But don't tell anyone, okay?
She had no idea how I felt about her.
Which was probably a stroke of luck.
After all, just being near her made me almost pass out.
Of course, I couldn't even swallow the dumplings.
Are you all right?!
What's wrong?!
As I lay there choking on the dumpling, I didn't think about dying.
My only thoughts were of regret that I wouldn't see her again.
Somebody, help!
I pulled myself together and run away.
When I regained my senses...
I was lying in some alley, covered in my own vomit.
I had been half out of my mind when I ran,
and somehow I had grabbed her hair ornament on the way.
I want you to find her.
It's gonna cost you. We're a top-class operation, after all.
I have money.
I've spent all I want on women, and still I can't use it up.
I have no family, so I've often wondered what to do about my wealth.
If you accept my request, I'll leave you my entire fortune.
Ah well, I guess we don't have much choice!
We can't turn down an old man's request.
You look like you're trying hard not to look so happy!
Shut up, Shinpachi!
You're gonna take good care of our client!
You put your heart and soul into this!
Excuse me? I'm still a patient here.
You fool!
Odd Jobs exists to help people, right?!
It isn't money or education, but love. That's what's important in life!
And when a youth forgets vitality and kindness, then he's nothing.
Huh? Why am I the hapless youth in this?
Is "fortune" better than pickled seaweed?
It's even better than a family pack of pickled seaweed.
Wow!
Hey!
Kanzashi Dango Shop?
Never heard of the place.
I heard it used to be in this district, a long time ago.
Nope, I can't remember anything beyond three days ago.
You're worse than a chicken.
Since you're here... How about paying your bill, Gintoki?
The last time you paid was 219 days ago.
After that, you had isobe dumplings 207 days ago
and amazake and kinako dumplings 202 days ago...
And what?
Are you like those kids who can memorize every stop on the Tokaido line from Tokyo?
The day isn't long enough.
Anyway, we're looking for a girl named Ayano who used to work at this shop named Kanzashi.
Well, it's over 50 years ago, so she's probably a granny now.
Nope, no good. I'm not interested in chicks over forty years old.
Never mind that, Gintoki. Pay your tab, will you?
The last time you paid was 219 days ago.
You'd be more popular with chicks if you learn the formula for pi.
Huh? For real?!
Wait! Which is better?! Being able to name the chief secretaries of Russia or the shoguns?!
I bought it. Your JUMP and Weekly Playboy.
Also, I couldn't reach Kayoko and Rira because their phone numbers have been changed.
I see.
Then call Mai and Ayumi.
Then I want you to buy me some fruit-flavored milk and a fried shrimp sandwich.
You've got to have fruit-flavored milk with a fried shrimp sandwich.
Don't you know even that?
No, I don't!
Why do all the people around me have their own rules?!
Anyway...
I see three options.
1. Read your palm.
2. Hold hands.
3. Paper.
Which is it?
Money! Pay up! Do you know how much I've spent on you so far?!
My goodness, you youngsters always thinking about money!
How sad. Are you some money-cursing ghost?!
I can't keep up with this! Who does he think he is, that old geezer?!
And that's just unbelievable.
The photos in Playboy go from large to small.
Why doesn't he look at them in order?! I can't believe he skipped pages!
Oh, I can't stand that old pervert.
Just shake that head of his.
They may call us angels in white, but it's enough to make me wanna kill.
It'd be a different story if we got tips for this.
Not gonna happen.
Even his hospital bills have piled up for months. He's famous for being broke.
Why that old pervert.
Why that dirty, old bastard!
Money!
Oh, you found out?
How dare you?!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Are you trying to ruin an old man's dream all because of a little thing like money?
How dare you say such a thing!
When the money runs dry, so does our relationship. It's over.
I'm taking the JUMP. I wanna know what happens in the tenth issue.
This hospital food, too. I'm sorta curious about the lightly sweetened desserts.
So that's it. No hard feelings eh?
So now you know, I'm not just some old pervert...
...I'm a very sick old pervert.
Reika says my hollow cheeks are irresistible.
Who was it that said something about being oppressed with sorrow?
Oh yes, that was Kana.
Your pallor... Are you really?
There's more to the dumpling story. Will you listen?
Later, I heard that she got fired from the shop.
It wasn't just me.
She secretly gave dumplings to poor kids, hungry stray dogs and cats,
as she came across them.
Her boss found out that she'd given me free dumplings.
So I was the reason she was fired.
I did a terrible thing. Now it's too late to apologize.
I wanted to at least return her hair ornament before I died.
Actually, I'd just like to see her smiling face one more time.
Let's go.
We're leaving?
We're going to find the owner of the hair ornament.
Huh?
Listen.
Let's say you drink too much strawberry milk during the day
and wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom.
But it's cold outside. You don't want to leave the comfort of your futon.
But the urge to pee gets stronger and stronger!
Anguish! Worry! Trouble!
You make up your mind and go to the toilet!
You stand in front of the john! You let loose!
Man, that feeling of release!
All that pent-up feeling being released!
But then you realize... you're not in front of the john, you're still under the covers!
That warm feeling spreads between your thighs. But it won't stop. You can't stop!
That's what it's all about.
That's the true nature of Strawberry Milky! Understand?!
Strawberry Milky!
That's it...
Strawberry Milky!
Strawberry Milky! Strawberry Milky!
Strawberry Milky!
Strawberry Milky! Strawberry Milky!
But how are we gonna track down the owner of a common hair ornament?
I have an idea.
Sadaharu, if you find her, you can chew this up all you like.
Hey, that's ridiculous!
What do you mean "chew this up all you like"?! Who is "this"?
Smile.
What kind of smile is that?!
It's been fifty years! There's no scent left on it.
Who knows? Maybe Ayano had strong B.O.?
What?! Body odor?
Don't shatter my youthful dreams of a woman, pickled seaweed girl!
Don't worry, Shinpachi. Pretty girls always smell good, no exception.
Although, there are some who are pretty but have strong body odor.
Is that a fetish?
No, no, no... Rather than the perfect woman, it makes you remember her, you know?
Huh?! Hey! You led us back home!
Did you think you were just out for a walk, moron?!
What is it? You're supposed to pee outside! Life is all about hit-and-run!
Hey, you don't think?
No way...
Whatcha want?
Came to pay the rent?
Listen, I'm a creature of the night, so I don't work during the day.
Come back when it's dark, idiot!
No, there's no way she's...
Nope, not way.
She doesn't look like an Ayano.
Nope, no way.
How do you know my real name?
Wha?!
My head is gonna explode! I can't understand her words?!
Don't mess with me, granny!
No way are you Ayano!
If that's your name, then "battleship" would come before it!
Heey!! You callin' me a battle axe?!
Otose is an alias. My professional name.
My real name is Ayano Terada.
Little ants, out for a nice walk?
You can't cover up the truth with inane babble! I am Ayano, not an ant!
Yes? Otose Snack Shop.
What? Odd Jobs?
It's a call for you from Oedo Hospital.
Something about an old man in critical condition.
Someone you know in the hospital?
His condition is critical. He's nearing his end.
He had an untreatable heart condition.
Well... I understand he was quite the lady's man,
but not a single one of them has come to his bedside. How sad.
In any case, as far as the hospital is concerned, we'll have one less problematic patient.
Dr. Jaijien, his pulse is weakening.
Look out! It's a runaway horse!
Help!
Watch out!
Damn it!
Hey, we stepped on something just now!
Forget it.
In the pursuit of our mission, a few small sacrifices are nothing!
That was a person! Maybe a person. It was a person!
Nah.
I think it was a pebble or a cottonball.
You guys are awful.
It's time.
No one came to his deathbed, after all.
Old man!
Wh-Who are you people?!
Strawberry Milky has a promise to keep to a comrade.
I brought her to you.
D-Dr. Jaijien! He's conscious!
What?!
Hey, are you listening?
Hey, what are you doing?!
A-A giant white beast!
Doctor!
I returned the kanzashi. Can you see, old man?
Yes, I can see.
Ayano...
You look great with that kanzashi.
Thank you for returning it.
Oh dear, I wondered where you were taking me.
But...he looked happy.
Hey, granny?
Did you actually remember him?
Remember what?
I mean...
I wonder...
And now...
...why don't we go have some dumplings?
Y-Yeah.
[Mini 3-Z Ginpachi Sensei]
Mini...
Ginpachi Sensei!
Listen up, everyone.
This kanji is tou [sugar]. It's written this way
the characters hito, hito, hito [man, man, man] are supporting each other carrying the cross and going to the land of Tou.
It's an ancient, ancient story.
Sensei, why are you talking ancient history?
[Preview]
A cat-eared character debuts!
What? Are our ratings so bad that we need blatant moe pandering?
And don't tell me...you're that cute character?
The next episode:
"People Who Make Good First Impressions Usually Suck"
[This is a snack house, a place for old men to drink themselves sick and indulge their sick minds.]
[Mu, a regular customer of "Otose"]
Is working for a big advertisement agency.
Battleship Ayano!